I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
