So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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