I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize