then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
