he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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