i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
its liver damage thursday
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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