Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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