when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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