i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
