she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize