Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
