I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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