Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
