Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
