I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
