If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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