He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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