dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
