You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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