ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
