The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
