Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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