I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
