I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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