STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
