I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
