i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
