I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
