no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
