So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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