Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
