he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
