Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
