no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
