Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
