grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
try to milk me bitch
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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