I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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