walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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