Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize