I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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