He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize