i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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