Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
