how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
