Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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