While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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