Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he's single and there are thong briefs.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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