I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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