R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize