Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
