At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
