you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
