I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
