Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize