Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
