well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
