69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
