Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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