so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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