Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
