I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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