the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
