Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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