She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
