she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's official drugs can't kill me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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